Were You A Victim Of Domestic Abuse? Here's Some Important Advice

You are reading this because you answered "yes" to the first question in the title. If this was your answer, you were subjected to domestic abuse at some point, and you might want advice on how to deal with it. These are essential pieces of advice that will help you move forward in life without any setbacks.

Your safety is the most important thing.

This includes your physical and emotional safety. Do not ever feel bad about putting your well-being first. If that means calling the police or leaving an abusive relationship immediately, then do it. While Kansas does not figure among the top states with the highest reported domestic violence cases, there is still an increasing trend within its cities. Thus, Domestic Violence Lawyers in Wichita advise that victims or potential victims of domestic abuse seek legal advice as soon as possible. Waiting too long can cause serious collateral consequences that could affect the victim for the rest of their life. Also, do not ever think that "it's my fault" because the abuser loves to play on feelings of guilt, shame, and self-worth. The only person who deserves the blame in cases of abuse is the abuser. They are committing crimes against you. If they didn't want to be blamed for their actions, they shouldn't commit crimes. 

Part of keeping yourself safe is keeping a record of all incidents, including possible witnesses. This can be done by writing down what happened and taking pictures of injuries.

Do not think your abuser will easily change for the better.

The abuser is not going to change without help unless they want to change on their own out of the goodness of their heart. If you've already tried breaking up or separating from them without them getting help, then you need to make sure that when you do leave, it's for good because abusers are great at manipulating to get back into your life. Do not let them use threats about suicide or self-harm if the relationship doesn't work out in order to guilt-trip you into coming back. Genuine threats are taken seriously, but threats like those are often used as manipulation tools, so do not fall for them.

If you can talk to the abuser about getting help, then do it. They will probably act entirely against this idea, but if they genuinely feel remorseful and want to come back into your life after the abuse is over, then that's great news because that means they've realized what their actions were. Of course, this suggestion to talk about how the abuser feels only works if there is repentance behind their words, and it does not work if they're trying to manipulate you into coming back. 

Domestic abuse isn't something that only affects women, by the way. Men also suffer from domestic abuse from time to time. However, men usually don't report these cases as much since our society often pressures men to be strong and not admit to needing help with their emotions. Abuse is abuse, regardless of who it's coming from or who's receiving it, and it needs to be reported.

Leave regardless of the circumstances.

If you're currently in an abusive relationship and thinking about staying because of financial problems or some other reason, then don't stay. Abusers will take advantage of bad financial situations and use them as a way to guilt-trip you into staying. If they feel like they have more control over your life than you do, then this is a sign that the relationship is unhealthy. Financial fears are no excuse for remaining with someone who hurts you. Those excuses will be used as tools by abusers to make you feel like you deserve to be mistreated by them. 

In cases where the abuser has generally been good about helping with household chores or something else positive, do not let that fool you into believing they are not the wrong person. Abusers will often try to use these kinds of actions as a way to guilt-trip you into staying by saying things like, "but what about all the good things I've done?" Whenever someone does good for their partner, it's called being generous. Generosity is excellent, and everyone should strive to give generously. Still, if someone is only generous toward their partners when convenient for them, then that means there need to be some boundaries set for both persons' feelings to be respected. 

Abuse-free relationships are a two-way street. Both people need to be respectful of each other's feelings and do what they can to make the other person happy. That's not only fair, but it's also healthy. Partners who truly want mutual respect will also take your partner's wishes into account from time to time as well. If you're in an abusive relationship, they are unlikely they care all that much about your happiness. This may sound harsh, but you need to know, so you can keep yourself safe. 

Drug/alcohol addiction or mental illness can be underlying causes.

If the abuser claims there is a problem with drug/alcohol addiction or mental illness, they actually might have a point. Although these things should never be used as excuses, sometimes the abuser has a point about a problem with addiction/mental illness. In these cases, your partner may genuinely feel remorseful and want to change their lives for the better. 

Do not just assume they're making it up because abusers are great at manipulating other people's emotions. If you're unsure about what is going on with them, look up some information online together to have something to compare your situation against. If this person feels bad about what happened, they'll probably be open to getting help from a therapist or something similar. Therapists can help guide abusive partners to learn how to avoid behaving abusively toward their significant others in the future. 

A relationship that's free from abuse should be the goal for everyone. If you're serious about wanting to help your partner overcome their addiction/mental illness, then they will be more likely to listen to anything that comes from someone who genuinely cares for them. 

Abuse is never okay, and it's not something people should have to deal with on top of dealing with the other hardships in life. If a person is abusing you or anyone else, always remember that there are people out there who care about the both of you enough to do what they can to help you escape an abusive relationship if possible. Remember - breaking up isn't just saying goodbye; it's also saying hello again to a fresh, new start! This new start may be difficult at first because of all the troubles that the relationship brought, but you're a demanding person, and you know that obstacles can be overcome if you try your best to do so.