No matter how welcome the divorce itself might be, the process is often a painful one. Even quick divorces where everyone agrees can take their toll and become messy, even if that was never the intention.
To make your divorce a more straightforward process to go through for everyone, including your ex-spouse and any children you might have, here are some valuable tips. Keeping your divorce from getting messy should always be a priority as long as it’s not going to leave you with any additional issues to deal with that you might not know.
Find a Good Divorce Lawyer
The best thing you can do if you don’t want your divorce to become too messy is to find a good divorce lawyer who will keep things calm. It is the lawyer’s job to liaise between the parties in a divorce, and if you want to keep things civil, leaving these discussions to be carried out between your attorney and your ex-spouse is the best option.
The lawyers won’t be emotionally invested in the divorce, even if they try to do their best for their clients. That means anger, upset, and guilt won’t come into it, unlike if you and your ex were in a room discussing things together. In this way, the facts will be dealt with, and the mess should be minimal.
Don’t Use the Kids as Weapons.
It is crucial – and must be a priority – for any children who are caught up during a divorce to be treated carefully. None of this is their fault (and this must be made abundantly clear to them), and they shouldn’t be involved. Once they are, perhaps to be used as messengers or as a negotiation tool, or even – unwittingly – to cause problems for the other party, they are being used as weapons, which is wholly unfair.
To keep your divorce civil, remember that in most cases, you will need to work out a way to co-parent, and your children are going to need to spend time with both of you. Even if you can’t be friends – you are getting a divorce, after all – then being on polite terms will help.
Don’t Try to Punish Your Partner.
You may well be angry. Your life might have been turned upside down, and your plans for the future could have fallen into ruin. Yet, no matter how you feel, you should never do anything to try to punish your partner. Things like canceling credit cards, not paying bills when they are your responsibility, or changing plans at the last minute might seem like a great way to get back at an ex who has wronged you. Still, all you are doing is prolonging the divorce process and making it much more uncomfortable than it needs to be. Plus, in court, doing any of these things can work against you, and your settlement might be affected because of it; custody might be problematic too.
No matter how angry you might be, please don’t take it out on your ex. Find other ways to let your feelings out, like playing a sport or going to therapy.