What to Do When Your Teen Can’t Stop Comparing

A lot of parents are watching their teens struggle with confidence in a way that feels different than it used to. Well, it’s not necessarily worse in every single way, but more constant. When it comes to teen mental health as a whole, it’s just not honestly the same as it was when you were a teenager.  Sure, the comparison trap is still there, but honestly, it’s a lot worse now more than ever. Plus, comparison isn’t just happening at school or in a friend group anymore; it’s happening all day long through social media. 

And it’s not only appearance, but it’s also everything, body, skin, outfits, friend groups, money, vacations, grades, who’s “popular,” who looks like they have it together. Oh, and even your following on social media is actually starting to matter now, can you believe that?! On top of that, teens are dealing with a world where people record things constantly. It’s become weirdly normal for someone to film a stranger or a classmate, then post it like it’s entertainment. Yes, adults are unfortunately just as guilty of all of this, but with kids, it’s getting more normalized.

Even if nothing “bad” happens, the possibility of being recorded can make a teen feel tense in public. But seriously, though, that kind of pressure adds up, and it can make confidence feel fragile. So, what can a parent actually do? Not in a perfect-parent way, but in a real-life way that helps.

Why Teens Seem More Anxious than Ever

At this rate, you’re probably more than aware that Gen Z teens and Gen Alpha are both the most stressed and anxious generations out there. Basically, it’s hard to feel calm when there’s a constant sense of being judged. Teens already care deeply about belonging, and social media turns belonging into something that can feel measurable. Again, adults aren’t any different when it comes to these things, and there’s more than enough content out there about social media causing anxiety for adults, too. Plus, likes, views, comments, followers, screenshots, all of it can feel like a scoreboard.

Remember the Awkward Phase?

Of course, you do; no adult can forget about their weird little awkward phase that they cringe about when looking back at all of it. But with everyone at that stage, you’re just trying to establish yourself cause you’re at that weird transition from being a kid to slowly becoming an adult. But there’s not much of an awkward phase now, or maybe there is, but it’s totally different from how it used to be. Basically, nowadays at least, a lot of teens don’t feel like they’re allowed to be awkward. 

The problem is, they feel like they have to look put-together, have a defined style, and seem confident before they even feel it. Like those bad haircuts, horrible braces and headgear phase, experimenting, and weird fashion tastes were normal, you remember it, right?

There’s a Big Risk to Being and Acting Awkward

Now, awkward moments can feel riskier because they might be recorded or turned into content. Again, even for an adult, if you just scroll on TikTok or whatever and just find yourself doing your own thing and hundreds of thousands of people are just laughing at you, it’s a punch in the gut, right? Plus, some people love doxxing those types of people, too, which opens up more harassment. 

It’s a nightmare scenario, it really is, but these things are so realistic now. Just imagine it, adults are targets to this already, all adults are technically, regardless of age, so imagine how a kid would feel, and kids, especially teens, are utterly ruthless. 

Appearance Pressure Gets Intense

Maybe this one isn’t all that new, to be honest here, throughout decades, there’s this pressure, especially for young and teen girls, to look perfect. You remember those Y2K paparazzi and teen magazines, right? Those alone were incredibly brutal and damaging. But anyway, it’s not new or anything that some teens become very focused on “fixing” parts of their appearance, and it can come from anxiety, not vanity. Weight is a super common one here.

But as a parent, it’s going to really help to acknowledge the distress without actually making the appearance the main topic (which might be easier said than done, of course).  Some families explore things like orthodontics or a cosmetic dentist for specific concerns, but those choices don’t replace self-worth. It can massively help when it comes to confidence, though, sometimes even a new haircut or a new wardrobe can do the same thing. But just keep in mind that confidence is more durable when it’s built on self-respect and identity, not only appearance.

But How Can You Talk About Comparison?

Which is a fair question, because as a parent, how are you supposed to do this? You have a good idea of how the comparison trap is; you’ve experienced it as a teen, and you probably still experience this now. Teens often shut down when a conversation feels like a lecture. So instead of “social media is toxic” or “just stop caring,” it helps to focus on curiosity. 

There’s not really a certain way to go about it because all parents have different relationships with their kids, and all teens are different. So you’ll have to figure out what might be the best way to go about this without trying to fish it out of them. 

Help Teens Build Confidence that isn’t Based on Trends

Children, teens, and adults are all guilty of following trends super hard nowadays, and with TikTok, it’s all a bunch of micro and nano trends, be it food, experiences, clothing, hair, skincare, basically anything and everything in your life, there’s some ridiculous trend. And so it really doesn’t help here that trends move fast, and teens can feel like they’re constantly trying to catch up. All these little tiny unimportant trends pretty much create pressure, and it can make confidence feel temporary.

Parents can support confidence by focusing on things that aren’t trend-based. Sure, that alone sounds super generic, but it’s more about focusing on skills, effort, humor, personal interests, values, and just laying it down that trends don't matter; there’s no stability there. 

Here are some other articles related to your search:

• Practices That Support Emotional and Physical Health
• How To Help Teens Heal, Grow, And Thrive Emotionally In Challenging Times
• From Stressed to Success: Mental Health Tips for Teens