9 Things you need to tell your daughter about Mean Girls

The teen years are filled with all types of "mean girls". From frenemies and fake friends to toxic friendships and controlling girls. Their mean girl behavior from often leaves others feeling hurt, puzzled and distraught.

Remember, mean behavior is not normal girl behavior, and your daughter will have no idea how to respond without some coaching from you. Your job is to help her see that her friend is not truly a friend, but controlling instead.

There are a number of reasons why girls choose to be mean or use relational agression. These reasons include everything from climbing the social ladder to peer pressure. "Mean girls" often belong to cliques that use backbiting and even manipulation, to inflict serious psychological harm. They also harm others through cyberbullying. And they engage in online gossip, sexual bullying, shaming and other hurtful tactics.

Be sure to arm yourself with some thoughtful things to say about the situation. Here are 9 things you might consider, telling your daughter:

1. "I UNDERSTAND"

Probably the most important way you can help your daughter is to empathize with her situation. Remind her that no one deserves to be treated the way she is being treated

.

Mean girls often make others feel inferior. Be sure your daughter knows that she is not the problem, but the mean girl is. Help her focus on her strengths, instead!

2. "SMILE AND STAY STRONG"

Mean girls often have a natural ability to discern whom they can control and manipulate. So, encourage your daughter to smile and to remain confident. She should avoid looking nervous, insecure or defeated. Work with your daughter on being resilient and building self-esteem. Mean girls are less likely to repeat their tactics if your daughter can remain confident and in control.

Teach her to have good posture, a strong speaking voice and to make eye contact. Many times, they simply want an easy target; so, don’t be easy for them!

3. "BE CONFIDENT AND ASSERTIVE"

Every girl needs to learn how to stand up for herself, especially against mean girls. The best way to do this is to learn how to be assertive. The goal is that your daughter can defend herself in a respectful manner, without being aggressive or mean in return. She should find a way to communicate that the girl’s bullying and mean tactics are wrong and will not be tolerated.

She should show that she is not passive, and that they miscalculated when they targeted her!

4. "CONSIDER YOUR RESPONSE"

Remind your daughter that although she has no control over what other people say or do, she does have control over her response.

Stress that no matter what a mean girl says or does, she should try to keep her responses free of emotion. And if she can not respond in a calm manner, she should ignore the comments and walk away. Then, encourage her to talk with you or another adult, about how to deal with future attacks!

5. "DISENGAGE FROM THE CONVERSATION"

If your daughter is a bystander to mean girl behavior, she needs to know that standing by and saying nothing communicates that she accepts this type of behavior. And if she doesn’t have the courage to say something at the moment, she should walk away.

When mean girl don’t have an active audience, they lose some of their power. Remind her that it’s also important to report unjust behavior to an adult!

6. "KEEP AN ADULT INFORMED"

Too many times, girls think they can or should have handled mean girl behavior on their own. There are a number of reasons why kids don’t tell anyone about bullying. Stress to your daughter that you and other adults are there to help her. Be sure she knows that you have her back and that you will work with the School to put an end to their behavior.

Be committed to helping your daughter through this, and she will become likely to keep you informed!

7. "FIND ANOTHER GROUP OF FRIENDS"

Oftentimes, the mean girl is someone your daughter thought was a friend. Your daughter may be part of a group that has become a clique, and the girls in it are no longer true friends, but frenemies instead. Talk to your daughter about how to spot fake friends. Also, discuss the signs that exist when a friend is a bully.

Then, brainstorm who might be good friends to play around with.

8. "FOCUS ON SCHOOL"

Kids often allow what others say and do, to impact their everyday lives. And the first thing that is impacted is their Schoolwork. Help your daughter change her focus. Monitoring cell phone and computer use, is a good place to start. But don’t prevent your daughter from using these means of communication. Instead, encourage her to spend less time on social media.

Stress that she should not let the turmoil caused by another action control her life and her time. She needs to take back control and focus on something she has control over, like School or Sports!

9. "FIND HEALTHY WAYS OF COPING"

Let your daughter know that what she is going through is hard and that she shouldn’t try to handle it on her own. Be willing to listen to her, without judging or trying to fix things. Let her know that you are a safe person to talk to. And if she doesn’t want to talk to you, then help her find someone she can confide in. Also be aware of the consequences of long-term bullying, like eating disorders, body image issues, PTSD, self-harming behavior, depression, and even thoughts of suicide. And don’t be afraid to get outside help for your daughter.

It is not a sign of weakness to seek out Medical Professionals and Counselors. In fact, it shows wisdom.

Do everything you can to help your daughter cope with mean girls. You will be glad you did!

https://verywellfamily.com/how-to-cope-with-mean-girl-460678/